Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Longest Month of My Life


Well as of today is has been a month....

I really thought it would have been easier by now, sometimes I do feel like I am going to make it and then there are times all I want to do is cry. For those who don't know I am talking about my breakup with the guy I have dated since I was a sophomore in high school, almost 8 years. I guess it seems so silly to still bring it up, but I just can't shake the sad feelings. I have had some of the best support this past month and without them I don't know what I would have done. I have heard great advice and encouraging songs, but at the end of the day he is still all I want and think about.
He told me he had been unhappy and he thought he had feelings for one of his girl friends. I was devastated, but for some weird reason I haven't been able to get mad. I wish I could just get mad because then I probably wouldn't hurt so bad, but even if I start to get mad it just goes away. I just keep remembering about everything that we shared in life and all the good times. He deleted me off of Facebook and maybe that was a good thing because now I can't see what he's doing and saying 24/7. At first we didn't talk at all and now we chat here and there, trying to maintain some sort of "friendship". I guess I should be prepared for the day that the friendship ends too, whenever they decide to become official.

I've often laid here night after night and just wonder if he will realize he's made a mistake and want to come back, even though he has told me time and time again there is no hope. I also wonder if this is just a phase because he doesn't even seem like the same person anymore. I have heard stories where this has happened to other girl's boyfriends and after they get it out of their system they come back to the one they really wanted to be with the whole time. I don't know what to think anymore.
I know there is a reason for everything and God has a purpose for all things. I guess the thing I have struggled and continue to struggle with is letting completely go of the situation. I keep praying, but then I try to work things out for myself and I know that I have to stop and let God's timing work everything out.
I am a hopeless romantic. I love looking at wedding stuff and watching romantic movies but here lately I just haven't been in the mood and it seems like everyone is getting engaged or married. I guess it is wedding season. I guess one day this will all pass. I feel kinda childish talking about it all, but it's all thats on my mind so I just wanted to blog about it and see if anyone has any good advice or has been through this before please share your words of wisdom.


I feel like I could have written this letter

7 comments:

David and Elizabeth said...

I know how you're feeling...we all have been there. Such a crappy feeling. and no matter how many times you hear it will get better, somedays it just doesn't feel that way...but trust me...it really does! :) Stay strong!!

Lauren H. Edmondson said...

praying for you!

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Fash Boulevard said...

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ShortBlonde said...

There is an even better match for you out there still! I hate hearing (probably as much as you do) that time heals all wounds, because nothing seems to speed time up to make the hurt go away. It is comforting, however, to know that that old saying is true, and that now I can look back at time in my life when I felt completely devestated and feel glad that I did indeed get through it. I'm obsessed with everything romance and wedding-related as well, and I'm incredibly impatient to meet Mr. Right, but I guess we both just have to sit back and let God steer us in the right direction. :)

Trisha said...

I completely understand the heartache you are going through and it is no fun. Broken hearts are awful and something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I have had the same thought as you, that there may be hope that he will come to his senses and come back to you, afterall, other guys have done it. But you can't let that thought be your guiding light. Sometimes God does have someone else in mind for you. And I also think that it takes a broken heart to help you realize when you do find that one person you are meant to be with. Someday, you might meet someone that makes you completely forget about him, and that is when you know you have found the one. When I thought I was going to die from a broken heart, I read lot's of books. Pick some of these up and see if it helps: "How to Survive the Loss of a Love", "All Men are Jerks (until proven otherwise)", "You have to Kiss a lot of Frogs" and of course-"He's just not that into you". I hope that this sad time in your life passes quickly, it is no fun at all. You will learn a lot from this about yourself and be a better person because of it. Chin up!

~Trisha

katie.michelle said...

Girl, you just made me cry. I love all of the quotes that you posted; So sweet and true and wonderful words to live by. You are strong, and what makes you even stronger, is that GOD is on YOUR side, and will never ever let you alone. And with God with you, who can be against you?! But you already know that. And I love that. :)

Elizabeth said...

This is such an honest and heartfelt post. I think we all go through this at some point or another and it just sucks.

I think everyone's situation is unique and a little bit different and I also believe that no one can ever understand a relationship except the two people involved in it (and even then, sometimes they can't.) They best advice I have to offer in a situation like this is focus on yourself and try to keep yourself busy. Maybe pick up a new hobby (like Zumba or some kind of crafting) and let your love life play out on its own.

I think whenever you've been with someone for a long time, they make impressions on your life and it is hard to picture your life without them. I also think, though, that all things happen for a reason. I love the line from Garth Brook's song (even though I'm not a huge fan of country music that says, "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." Just know that if you end up back together, this time was necessary for some reason. And if not, know that there is someone out there who is perfect for you and meant for you and that you will find them. And once you find him - you'll understand why it never worked out with anyone else.

Saying a prayer for you today.

xoxo, elizabeth